Unsubstantiated Rumour Wednesday!

Wednesday, July 26, 2006, 11:10 AM

I'm still hoping that I can get a weekly feature up and running on Couch Culture sometime soon. I've tried previously, but it fell a bit flat, So I've decided to "audition" a few different ideas over the next month or so, and then run a poll at the end to help me decide. (Who would have thought that there could be an actual use for an Internet poll?)

So today, I give you Unsubstantiated Rumour Wednesday! Unsubstantiated Rumour Wednesday was created by a few of my friends and I during high school, out of our hate of the New Idea-style media. But before we launch into UR Wednesday, a public service announcement from Captain Obvious.

Captain Obvious says: "This is complete fiction, so don't sue Statler for defamation!"

This week's unsubstantiated rumours are:

Ernie Sigley has actually been dead for the last three years. The producers at 3AW have been cutting and pasting his shows together using old samples in secret.

The ABC have found the answer to their financial woes, after the Chaser debacle led thousands of rugby league fans to call Auntie to place an order for the "Rugby League Supporters Kit".

In a bold move, Channel Nine have invited Don Burke back to the station. Apparently the front garden of the Richmond studios has a bit of weeding that needs done.

In line with Karl Stefanovic's admission last week that he is a robot, it appears that Jessica Rowe is, in fact, a marionette.

In John Howard's birthday celebrations today, ASIO officers presented him with the gift he has always wanted - surveillance photos of a nude Steve Waugh.
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