Not As Intended

Monday, March 26, 2007, 3:30 PM

I went to the cinema on the weekend and saw the new Sandler/Cheadle flick Reign Over Me. With such a perfectly cast ensemble, and brilliantly written and thought-provoking script, surely I must have learnt something from this exercise of pictorial art?

Did I learn that friendship can overcome all?


Did I learn about the inner workings of post-traumatic stress and mental illness as a whole?

Not really.

What I did learn is this:

Motor scooters are really cool.

I worry about myself sometimes too.

A Pun So Terrible, It Has To Be Shared

Saturday, March 17, 2007, 8:09 PM

Sam of Culture Strain raises an interesting point about the publicity shot for the film/doco Bra Boys. Please inspect the following... was that a publicity shot, or a pube-licity shot?

I'll just get my coat...

P.S. Bra Boys, please don't come to my house and hurt me for this.

Unnecessary Product Of The Year

Sunday, March 11, 2007, 1:02 PM

As if bottled mineral water wasn't as unnecessary, expensive and a ridiculous status symbol to boot (Hey! Look at me! I'm drinking expensive bottled water! No drinking out of the tap for me!), some bright spark has taken it one step further. Introducing "Aqua Dog", water for dogs with a splash of beef.

I struggle to understand the reasoning behind this niche marketing. I can only muse that, somewhere, someone believed that they had a brief moment of genius to think of producing this doggie delicacy.

Once again my faith in the intelligence of the average person takes a hit.

And so, Aqua Dog recieves my nomination for Unnecessary Product Of The Year. But of course, if you have your own nomination for Unnecessary Product Of The Year, I implore you to drop a comment into the box provided, or send your photographic evidence to couchculture Although something tells me that Aqua Dog will be hard to beat.

Funny Is The New Sexy

Friday, February 09, 2007, 1:29 PM

Want to know what can really put you off your breakfast of Froot Loops coated in icing sugar?

How about someone searching for nude photos of Chas Licciadello... a search that links to your blog?

Hell, I enjoy The Chaser boys as much as anyone, but that one's enough to make my testicles retreat inside of me in disturbance.

Prick Minces A Dick

Saturday, January 20, 2007, 3:55 PM


Doctors' unions in Romania have criticised a decision to make a surgeon pay £100,000 in damages after he lost his temper and hacked off a patient's penis during surgery.

Surgeon Naum Ciomu, who had been suffering from stress at the time, had been operating on patient Nelu Radonescu, 36, to correct a testicular malformation when he suddenly lost his temper.

Grabbing a scalpel, he sliced off the penis in front of shocked nursing staff, and then placed it on the operating table where he chopped it into small pieces before storming out of the operating theatre at Bucharest hospital.

Which of course asks the question, what's the worst thing you've done in a fit of anger? Bonus points if your story involves penises, dismemberment or Tony Danza.

Ladies And Gentlemen, We Have Reached The Bottom Of The Barrel

Tuesday, January 16, 2007, 9:46 PM

Ajay Rochester: Not a celebrity.

I can tell you right now that I'm not looking forward to Ten's new sleb-event "Celebrity Dog School", and it's not just because it involves The Fabulous Fuckwitted Adam Richard and Robert "Be There! (Or my Mafia mates will break your legs!)" Dipierdomenico. Dare I say it - It's sure to be a dog of a show?

But one way, I am looking forward to it. With such an impossibly crap premise, and such obviously poor casting, maybe it will finally trigger the point where the public says "no more", and thus results in the removal of all the reality bullshitty tripe clogging up the airways.

Well, one pundit can hope, anyway.

That's Not Art, That's My Beer Belly

Saturday, January 13, 2007, 7:35 PM

Courtesy of

"BON APPETIT," said Chilean artist Marco Evaristti as he presented his friends with his newest creation: meatballs cooked with fat from his own body, extracted by liposuction.

"Ladies and gentleman, bon appetit and may god bless," said Evaristti, a glass in his hand, to his dining companions seated Thursday night around a table in Santiago's Animal Gallery.

On the plates in front of them was a serving of agnolotti pasta and in the middle a meatball made with oil Evaristti removed from his body in a liposuction procedure last year.

"The question of whether or not to eat human flesh is more important than the result," he said, explaining the point of his creation.

"You are not a cannibal if you eat art," he added.
Memo to Mr Evaristti (ever-wristy, ha!):

You're an imbecile. And an artsy-fartsy wanker. It's no wonder Arts students get no respeck, mang!

Now do something really creative for once - come around to my place and build me a pergola. Out of bicycles. and I will pay you in little lego men made of cheese. See how easy it is to be post-modern, biatch?

Yours in vague disgust,
J. Statler, Esq.

Ever-wristy... Ha ha! I'm sure he is.